An Introduction

Greetings!

I am highly interested in the (insert name of position for which I am under qualified) at (insert the name of the organization that despises me for clogging their HR inbox). As you can see from my attached ("resume" or "CV," depending on the organization), I am eminently (read: "not at all") qualified for the position based on my past experience (a string of unpaid internships), education (a two year stretch that taught me that doing anything the night before it's due will guarantee you not one, but two Masters degrees from one of the world's top 20 universities. With honours.), and skills (the same computer skills that anyone under the age of 30 posses, perhaps with better porn searching abilities due only to the fact that I've been unemployed for so long already). Thank (Fuck) you in advance for (not at all) considering me for this position (and passing my useless cover letter around your office on a Friday afternoon in order to entertain the entire staff for an hour) and I look forward to (not) hearing from you (ever).

Sincerely (God bless spell check as I never learned to spell this word, nor think of a better one),

Joe Jobless



And so the letter goes. I hit send, my email application makes that cool sound of an airplane taking off (though I'm strongly considering changing it to the sound of a toilet flushing), and I continue looking for jobs. Sleep. Facebook. Eat. Facebook. Repeat.

These are the Adventures of the Jobless.

A few things you should know:

• I'm just another 20 something looking for work. There are a lot of us.
  
• I'm looking for jobs in the International Humanitarian Aid world, or "Aidland" (No, that does not mean AIDS-land, you cynical twit). They're the people trying to help Haiti, create a better infrastructure in Afghanistan, pull Africa back from the brink, and so on.
• I live in the U.S., but went to grad school somewhere else (one of the world's top 20, which actually doesn't mean much). As such, I apologize in advance for sentences that start with obnoxious introductory clauses like "My Italian friend" or "While on the phone with a mate from Belfast" and so on. It's not meant to be pretentious
• Actually, there's no way for me to be pretentious anymore as I live with my mom, have $500 left in my bank account (left over student loan money), am overweight, and obviously have no job.
  

That should be all you need to know, although I'm sure with a little Google Recon, you could figure out a lot more. But really, there's no need.

Now come with me on a journey of job applications, mounting credit card debt, unpaid student loans, endless facebook visits, and a strange sense of freedom.

The best part is - there's not reason to keep up before noon.